I have a confession to make. It’s kind of embarrassing, so, um, bear with me. Whew, OK, how do I explain this? OK. Deep breaths, Derek, deep breaths. I don’t know how to say this, but Rivers Cuomo — y’know, the geeky-lookin’ dude with the Buddy Holly glasses who does the whole sing-songy thing for Weezer? Yeah. He robbed me.

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