Vicelords – I Christen Thee Vicelords – Album Review

Written By Tony Martin
Score: 10/10 (Flawless Victory)

Local music is a mixed bag, in the sense that most of it is a popularity contest. Where I come from is no exception. Elgin, Illinois is filled to the brim with good to great punk rock bands. So when members of some of those great bands got together a few years ago to form Vicelords, I was blown away.

Aside from a few tracks on MySpace, all I have heard was the tracks they play live. Their full length, “I Christen Thee Vicelords” has been in the making for what seems like three years or so. It became Elgin’s version of “Chinese Democracy”, and nobody talked about it for quite awhile. Well, it’s out now, and it seems like the wait was completely worth it.

Fans of 80s hardcore punk will find this album completely essential. It doesn’t sound or feel like it came out just less than a month ago. The cover art, drawn by local artist Natalie Wiseman, is insane to say the least. Cats with all sorts of stuff coming out of their eyeballs are an abrasive image, but it serves the record perfectly.

Vicelords – Gnats Between Our Teeth

Opener “Gnats Between Our Teeth” is the best song I have heard in years, and there isn’t a song that even touches the shit fit of balls out punk rock that this song packs into its one minute and twenty four seconds. The next two tracks, “Through the Blackened Eyes of Reginald Denny” and “You Look Fat in That” ripped through my car speakers and had me so blown away I had to play them both again before I could even move on. The bass heavy melodies and off the wall drum beats drive all these songs like Husker Du’s “Land Speed Record” and Big Black’s “Atomizer”, two of my all time favorite records.

The rest of the record flows without a lull. Eleven songs in seventeen minutes will do that, and “I Christen Thee Vicelords” never lets up. Even the slower “Blubber” fades into “Box Cutter Rebellion”, a song that might make you want to just start punching shit. “Chinese Finger Trap” and “Dana Plato” left me speechless, and those songs I have heard on the Internet for years. They are just that good.

If you have any concept of 80s hardcore, you know that this isn’t your typical chug chug hardcore, equipped with breakdowns and fashion sense. There is a keen sense of melody and there are hooks all over the place. I have had the album for three weeks now and it hasn’t left my car stereo. I love it so much that I brought my laptop out to my car and chain smoked in the freezing cold listening to it. Its so good that I want to make all my friends hear it, so I have been driving people everywhere so they can get a taste of this classic album. Yes, it is so good that I consider it classic.

I cannot repeat this enough: FIND THIS RECORD AND GET A HOLD OF IT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. It is everything that it good about punk rock, and its got a Minutemen cover on it. People who don’t like the Minutemen suck, and people who don’t like this record simply haven’t heard it. Get it, play it loud, and be converted to the way of the Vicelords.

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